Word of the Moment (Vicarious)

 

Vicarious | [vahy-kair-ee-uh s, vi-] | adjective

1.  performed, exercised, received, or suffered in place of another:  vicarious punishment.

2.  taking the place of another person or thing; acting or serving as a substitute.

3.  felt or enjoyed through imagined participation in the experience of others:  a vicarious thrill.

 

Habit of Living (Part 3 of 3)

"Wish not the past.  Hope not the future.  Live your present moment."

Living in the present... your present.  On the surface, this seems an easy concept, but few have been able to fully accomplish it; some, simply, are unable to... 

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." ~ Unknown

A person once told me, "Throw a year out there... what comes to mind?   Let's say 2017, do you recall anything?  If a memory comes, that means it was a year lived... a moment worth living."  For me, 2017... Met my wife for the first time after starting our long-distance relationship (LDR) - an LDR that spanned Afghanistan and the Arctic Circle at one point - returned from Afghanistan, closed on a house and flew straight to disaster duty, survived the Category 5 Hurricane Maria.       

"Many die at 25 and are not buried until 75." ~ Benjamin Franklin

A familiar life may consist of Birth, Schooling, Work, Marriage, extended period of mindlessness, Death.  Will you die mentally before you every pass away physically? 

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"Regret and fear are twin thieves that rob us of today." ~ Bob Hasting

Bonnie Ware, a palliative care nurse that took care of those in their final days, observed the following and documented it in a book titled, "Top Five Regrets of the Dying:"

1.  I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2.  I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

3.  I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

4.  I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5.  I wish that I had let myself be happier.

“Kỹ sư, Bác sĩ.” (Engineer, Doctor); a phrased echoed in Asian culture.  That is the expectation, the bar... society’s bar.  "Tiger parents" push their children hard to achieve what they once did not...  Regret for a moment in time that has since fleeted.  They faltered and, now, grasp at any opportunity to relive what once was; living vicariously through their children.  However, selfishness clouds them from realizing that they are robbing their children of the freedom to live.

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"Nhất nhật tại tù thiên thu tại ngoại." (A day in prison, a millenium aloof.)

Fettered trauma:  Others are unable to experience their present moment; shackled by post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).  Those who endure heinous acts of rape, abuse, murder, harassment, violence... mental, emotional, and psychological torment clouds the psyche from ever looking at the world without towering walls.  Marred by the past, a scar of the mind remains; preventing one from living their present.  Life is about trust.  When that trust is broken, it is nearly impossible to mend.  For, it is impossible to unfeel what you have felt; unsee what you have seen, unhear what was spoken, ignore the smell tied with a moment, to forget an ingrained memory... How can one suppress an essence that secretes from the subconscious?

Depression is a prison without any bars...  "Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict in life, but the ability to cope with it." ~ Unknown.

Balance:  Carl Jung (Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst) expressed, "Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness."  It is normal and, in many ways, good to have difficulty and afflictions.  Adversity affords opportunities to stretch the spectrum of our happiness.  My parents are, due to their trials, happier (and more serene) than I am.  They experienced and survived seemingly abject hardship - Being civilians, soldier, and prisoner of the Vietnam War...  Days that the family was on the precipice of death...  Stripped of equality, liberty, dignity... That being said, I've been fortunate to survive some of my own difficulties that fostered memories for me to build.  You see, it isn't the experience that usually decimates us, having ordeals and learning from them offer us peace.  And over time, once we learn how to react to adverse moments in life, serenity will come of its own accord. 

May you live your days.